Crucifix
by FlamingDranzer
Summary: A collection of song-fics about Cloud and his family... the healing and pain. Life.


**Disclaimer:** I in no way own the rights to Final Fantasy VII, or to 3 Doors Down's song "When I'm Gone."

**Warnings: **None

**Author's Note: **Well, I'm finally in college, and I've been having the urge to write lately... So I figured a collection of songfics will get me back into writing. I'm only a couple years rusty. *cough*

**Crucifix**

**When I'm Gone**

"I'm sorry... Teef..."

_There's another world inside of me_

_That you may never see_

_There're secrets in this life_

_That I can't hide_

_Somewhere in this darkness_

_There's a light that I can't find_

_Maybe it's too far away..._

_Or maybe I'm just blind.._

_Or maybe I'm just blind..._

He looked over her sleeping form, eyes wandered over the curves of her womanly body, taking in the beautiful sight of her chest slowly rising and falling with the gentle force of sleep. The night was dark; the moon was high. Stars dotted the black void, but they were faint to Cloud's mako eyes. The little light those balls of gas did give up was just enough to cause the guilt in his blue orbs to glisten in an unsettling way.

But yet, just like the lone wolf, he watched on.

The clock was ticking on Tifa's desk, but soon the noise was tuned out. But even if Cloud couldn't hear it, it was still ticking and tocking and ticking and tocking... on and on and on and on...

_So hold me when I'm here_

_Right me when I'm wrong_

_Hold me when I'm scared_

_And love me when I'm gone_

_Everything I am_

_And everything in me_

_Wants to be the one_

_You wanted me to be_

_I'll never let you down_

_Even if I could_

_I'd give up everything_

_If only for your good_

_So hold me when I'm here_

_Right me when I'm wrong_

_You can hold me when I'm scared_

_You won't always be there_

_So love me when I'm gone_

_Love me when I'm gone..._

With a pitiful sigh, Cloud turned his back on the beloved woman and left the room. As he shut the door, his eyes lingered on the doorknob for a split second longer than what most considered normal. He barely managed to make it to his own bedroom (_not for long_, he thought bitterly), before falling to his knees.

The violet sores on his left arm began pulsing and spewing dark liquid onto the floor and the walls, the purple soaking in between the cracks and filling them. Cloud's chest heaved, lungs struggling just to function. His heart thumped so loud that Cloud bitterly wondered if he would have a stroke. He struggled to stand, if only because his mother one told him, "As long as you can stand, you'll be okay."

But the more he tried to raise himself, the harder he fell. So he just gave up.

As his pupils narrowed and the pain began searing, memories flashed in his eyes. Denzel and Marlene playing a cheerful game in the living room. Tifa lecturing him about how not to cook pancakes. Sephiroth. Staring death in the face. Nanaki. Cid. Vincent. Barret. Yuffie. Aerith. Zack. Bullets flying everywhere. Helicopters. Death. The smell of fresh blood. Red. _Crimson_.

And as suddenly as it started, the attack halted. With a small sigh of relief, Cloud staggered to his feet . _If I'm going to die, I'm not going to let Tifa find me. Not like this..._

He looked at his desk with a sad gaze. The surface was scratched and chipped. It never glistened in the light. It clearly needed a new coat of finish. Limping to the wooden furniture, Cloud grasped for a paper and pen. With yet another sigh, he began to write, slowly, carefully. Deliberately. How could he say everything he wanted to say?

After an eternity, Cloud risked glancing at his alarm clock. 4:39 a.m. He would have plenty of time to leave before Tifa awoke. With light steps and a heavy heart, he grabbed Fenrir's keys and a duffle bag of crinkled clothes. He made his way down the creaky staircase. He gently placed the piece of paper on the bar's counter.

A second later, he was out the door.

_When your education X-Ray_

_Cannot see under my skin_

_I won't tell you a damn thing_

_That I could not tell my friends_

When the sun had finally peaked out from behind the horizon, Cloud, mounted on his trusty Fenrir, observed the ruins of Midgar, and its spawn, Edge. _I have to do this_, he tried to reason, _I need to protect them. This... is the only way._

His mind wandered. What would Aerith think? And Zack?

And though he knew he was sinning, he also knew he had sinned before, and he also knew that he had no idea of how to even begin searching for redemption. _Tifa... forgive me_.

_Roaming through this darkness_

_I'm alive but I'm alone_

The pain again, shooting up his arm. _When will this end?_

_Part of me is fighting this_

_But part of me is gone_

He wasn't quite sure why, but a little tear rolled down his face and fell to the dusty ground. He looked down and gave it an odd look, unsure of what to think.

_Love me when I'm gone..._

Pulling down his goggles to shield his eyes from the desert dust, he revved Fenrir's engine. This was it: he turned his back on Zack, on his pride and dreams. He failed to be the living legacy. He turned his back on Midgar and Edge, on his family and friends.

_TIFA LOCKHART,_

_I HAVE A DELIVERY TO MAKE._

_I'M NOT SURE HOW LONG IT WILL TAKE._

_-CLOUD STRIFE_


End file.
